September 11, 2004

I Drink Alone....

Well, I often held this belief that I would never sit home alone and drink by myself. But, when you find yourself confined to the house all weekend long, do to this intense and annoying itching poison ivy on your face, it's amazing the beliefs you will compromise for a little comfort and enjoyment.

So, I am excited because I just finished reading this book about one doctors different cases in psychotherapy. And let me tell you, reading psychology books often makes me see so many things in myself that I just really want to work on. Not to say I am sitting here hating myself, but I do dislike things I have done in my past and even not so past but hey, "the unexamined life is not worth living." Or so I read.

The most destructive thing I find though is being full of regret. I mean it seems to me almost inevitable to regret things, but I just don't want to get to this unhealthy point where I regret so many things that I become overwhelmed with it. "If we stare too hard into the past, it's easy to be overcome with regret. But now the important thing is to turn toward the future." I think that's what I need to do. Instead of thinking about all the things I should or shouldn't have done in my past, it's time for me to just focus on my future. Hopefully things will fall into place if I try to do this, and things will end up the way I not only want them to, but the way they are meant to be.

I need to stop trying to control every aspect of my life, and realize that certain things are beyond my control. In a sense, when you realize that, it makes you feel more powerful in regards to your own life. When I constantly try to control things, and then they don't go how i want them to. I feel like I have failed, like I have no control or power over my life. When you realize that some things are out of your hand, that constant feeling of failure or loss of control starts to fade a bit.

Anyway, so I have had this big stupid bottle of wine sitting in my house from weeks ago when a trip I was supposed to go on got cancelled. So, I'm drinking it, and now talking about things and probably making no sense whatsoever. But oh's out of my hands at this point. See, I'm getting better at it already.

Ah, I guess that's all I have to say right now.

Posted by Angela at 08:25 PM | Comments (5)