September 11, 2004

I Drink Alone....

Well, I often held this belief that I would never sit home alone and drink by myself. But, when you find yourself confined to the house all weekend long, do to this intense and annoying itching poison ivy on your face, it's amazing the beliefs you will compromise for a little comfort and enjoyment.

So, I am excited because I just finished reading this book about one doctors different cases in psychotherapy. And let me tell you, reading psychology books often makes me see so many things in myself that I just really want to work on. Not to say I am sitting here hating myself, but I do dislike things I have done in my past and even not so past but hey, "the unexamined life is not worth living." Or so I read.

The most destructive thing I find though is being full of regret. I mean it seems to me almost inevitable to regret things, but I just don't want to get to this unhealthy point where I regret so many things that I become overwhelmed with it. "If we stare too hard into the past, it's easy to be overcome with regret. But now the important thing is to turn toward the future." I think that's what I need to do. Instead of thinking about all the things I should or shouldn't have done in my past, it's time for me to just focus on my future. Hopefully things will fall into place if I try to do this, and things will end up the way I not only want them to, but the way they are meant to be.

I need to stop trying to control every aspect of my life, and realize that certain things are beyond my control. In a sense, when you realize that, it makes you feel more powerful in regards to your own life. When I constantly try to control things, and then they don't go how i want them to. I feel like I have failed, like I have no control or power over my life. When you realize that some things are out of your hand, that constant feeling of failure or loss of control starts to fade a bit.

Anyway, so I have had this big stupid bottle of wine sitting in my house from weeks ago when a trip I was supposed to go on got cancelled. So, I'm drinking it, and now talking about things and probably making no sense whatsoever. But oh's out of my hands at this point. See, I'm getting better at it already.

Ah, I guess that's all I have to say right now.

Posted by Angela at September 11, 2004 08:25 PM

I agree that regret isn't a good thing. If you think about it logically, you only regret what's in the past, and you can't change the past, so there's no point in regretting things except to make yourself feel bad. So why regret them at all? Just learn from mistakes and move on. It can be hard to do, but if you practice it enough, you get the hang of it I think.

Posted by: kate at September 12, 2004 11:54 AM

You want to know what i really regret? i regret getting poison ivy on my damn face, and i regret even more the fact that its taking forever to go away. One thing I don't regret though, is watching Six Feet Under. That last episode blew me away big time.

Posted by: angela at September 13, 2004 10:54 AM

I'm mad! i typed this whole thing talking about this book I'm reading and how it reminds me of a bunch of people from laurel lake, and its's not on the site, and i dont know where to find it, and i thought i put it up, and i guess i didnt and now it's gone forever...:(

Posted by: angela at September 15, 2004 08:31 AM

i tried looking for it for you, but i guess it really is gone. what happened? did you save it? if you ever muff something up in a browser that you're typing in, you can always try to "undo" whatever you accidentally did to lose text, by clicking control+z (windows undo command). i don't know if that would have helped your case, but for future reference, try it. note that you might need to hit control+z a few times to undo multiple muff ups in a row. ;)

Posted by: kate at September 15, 2004 10:27 AM

You said "muff". Hah.

Anyway, I like to drink by myself on occasion. Sometimes, you just need to. I wish I had a drink right now. You'll know in a bit why. Cuz as soon as I see you, I'm telling you. Shit like this is just too good to keep to yourself.

Posted by: Steph at September 16, 2004 09:08 PM
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