July 19, 2005


I seriously want to scream right about now. Last time I saw Doug was on July 5th. That doesn't seem like too long ago, but that seriously was about the last time I had a real conversation with him too. For some reason, our cell phones will not work there now, while he is on base. So, since July 5th, we have been able to pretty much say hey, what are you doing, and then get cut off. This is every time we have a conversation.

But what just happened really annoys the crap out of me. We went back and forth calling eachother just now like 5 times. Sometimes I could hear him and he couldnt hear me, and vice versa. So, I called him back just to ask him if he was going to bed and to say goodnight to him since it was obvious we aren't going to be able to have a conversation. I keep asking him if he is going to bed, and the phone is messing up. I hear nothing on his end, so I asked it like 3 or 4 times when finally i hear him say, in a nasty ass tone "i said yes! damn!" So, of course then I get kinda smart/upset with him back and then just say bye and hang up the phone.

Really this isn't anyones fault. We are both just frustrated beyond belief that we can't even have a conversation, but its like the one person I look forward to talking to, for the past two weeks, I haven't even been able to have a 5 minute conversation with. The part that really drives me crazy, and worries me is, this is nothing! What about in November when he goes away for 8 months and I hardly get to talk to him for that whole time? I mean, I never said that I thought any of this would be easy, but its just for some reason, this week all this crap is really taking its toll on me.

Oh, to make matters worse, he has a computer with a wireless router (however you spell that) that hardly works, so also this week, when the phones don't work, we try to have a conversation online, and well, that doesn't work. We get about 2 sentences into a conversation when his computer kicks him off. So, add that to the phones, and just not being able to see him, and well, I am just beyond annoyed at this point.

I think what is elevating all this frustration of mine is the fact that time seems to be flying by, and I know that in a matter of no time at all it feels like, he is going to be gone. Its like right now, all I want to do is talk to him and see him as much as possible, and thats almost impossible these days. We are right smack in the middle of my busiest season of work, so its hard for me to go to see him, and he can't just come home whenever he wants, due to different things he has going on there. If I don't get to see him this weekend, which is still up in the air, I probably won't see him again until the end of August or beginning of September. And then he leaves a couple months later.

Anyway, I know this means nothing to everyone else, and there is not one ounce of anything worth reading in here for anyone, but I seriously needed to vent right now, and I don't want to talk to anyone in person about it, because I will probably cry, so well, here I am.

This is the life I chose though, and he is the man I chose, and I had an idea what i was getting myself into, and it is seriously going to be one of the hardest things for me to deal with, but he is worth it. But I am sure there will be many more times like this to come, where I just need to get all my feelings out.

Good thing no one reads this mess of mine huh!?!

Posted by Angela at 08:30 PM | Comments (2)