July 19, 2005


I seriously want to scream right about now. Last time I saw Doug was on July 5th. That doesn't seem like too long ago, but that seriously was about the last time I had a real conversation with him too. For some reason, our cell phones will not work there now, while he is on base. So, since July 5th, we have been able to pretty much say hey, what are you doing, and then get cut off. This is every time we have a conversation.

But what just happened really annoys the crap out of me. We went back and forth calling eachother just now like 5 times. Sometimes I could hear him and he couldnt hear me, and vice versa. So, I called him back just to ask him if he was going to bed and to say goodnight to him since it was obvious we aren't going to be able to have a conversation. I keep asking him if he is going to bed, and the phone is messing up. I hear nothing on his end, so I asked it like 3 or 4 times when finally i hear him say, in a nasty ass tone "i said yes! damn!" So, of course then I get kinda smart/upset with him back and then just say bye and hang up the phone.

Really this isn't anyones fault. We are both just frustrated beyond belief that we can't even have a conversation, but its like the one person I look forward to talking to, for the past two weeks, I haven't even been able to have a 5 minute conversation with. The part that really drives me crazy, and worries me is, this is nothing! What about in November when he goes away for 8 months and I hardly get to talk to him for that whole time? I mean, I never said that I thought any of this would be easy, but its just for some reason, this week all this crap is really taking its toll on me.

Oh, to make matters worse, he has a computer with a wireless router (however you spell that) that hardly works, so also this week, when the phones don't work, we try to have a conversation online, and well, that doesn't work. We get about 2 sentences into a conversation when his computer kicks him off. So, add that to the phones, and just not being able to see him, and well, I am just beyond annoyed at this point.

I think what is elevating all this frustration of mine is the fact that time seems to be flying by, and I know that in a matter of no time at all it feels like, he is going to be gone. Its like right now, all I want to do is talk to him and see him as much as possible, and thats almost impossible these days. We are right smack in the middle of my busiest season of work, so its hard for me to go to see him, and he can't just come home whenever he wants, due to different things he has going on there. If I don't get to see him this weekend, which is still up in the air, I probably won't see him again until the end of August or beginning of September. And then he leaves a couple months later.

Anyway, I know this means nothing to everyone else, and there is not one ounce of anything worth reading in here for anyone, but I seriously needed to vent right now, and I don't want to talk to anyone in person about it, because I will probably cry, so well, here I am.

This is the life I chose though, and he is the man I chose, and I had an idea what i was getting myself into, and it is seriously going to be one of the hardest things for me to deal with, but he is worth it. But I am sure there will be many more times like this to come, where I just need to get all my feelings out.

Good thing no one reads this mess of mine huh!?!

Posted by Angela at July 19, 2005 08:30 PM

Oh...I'm no one to you know, eh? :P'

But seriously, I feel for you. That sounds pretty darn crappy. I remember all the times I'd go to Florida for a week and how often I'd be on the phone w/John each day I was gone and I'd be damn bummed if I couldn't talk to him while we were seperated.

I suppose blogs are good for bitching about these types of dilemmas when you can't exactly bitch to the person you most want to tell things to. It's the closest substitute I suppose, especially regarding shit you think no one else would care to hear. But if you need another Doug substitute I'll volunteer, even though I know I'm a pretty weak replacement. I just don't want to have to kiss you or anything lesbo like that, k?

Posted by: kate at July 20, 2005 01:07 PM

Alright, so me and Doug got to talk today online a few times, and on the phone for a few minutes a couple times. It was so nice! I am hoping now to go pick him up for the weekend. I will know by tomorrow I hope since I will be getting him friday.

I am glad you care to read and comment on my jibberish, and yes blogs are a very nice way to vent your feelings when you can't actually talk to the person you want to, and you don't want to bug others with your problems.

I just have to say I love him SOOO MUCH! Being in love and sharing that feeling with someone else is the best feeling in the word. Nothing can compare to it.

I don't mean to be all mushy and whatever, but I just feels so good to be in love, and to be loved, and all that stuff. On that note, I am going to go to bed, and dream of my man...

Posted by: angela at July 20, 2005 10:50 PM
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